Since the unfortunate advent of the Star Wars prequels, I’ve become more and more suspicious of the supposed goodness and greatness of the Jedi. Seriously, what an ineffectual, foolish, and (often literally) blind group. You’re trying to discover the hidden Sith, and also notice that the emperor is shrouded in darkness, and can’t put two and two together? Really?
And don’t get me started on Yoda.
Hence my pleasure at finding this gem by Jonathan Last, one of America’s leading Jedi-sceptics. The title of this post is one of the funniest lines from his article.
A must read: John Scalzi’s Guide to the Most Epic Fails in Star Wars Design. A few of my favs:
Sure, he’s cute, but the flaws in his design are obvious the first time he approaches anything but the shallowest of stairs. Also: He has jets, a periscope, a taser and oil canisters to make enforcer droids fall about in slapsticky fashion — and no voice synthesizer. Imagine that design conversation: “Yes, we can afford slapstick oil and tasers, but we’ll never get a 30-cent voice chip past accounting. That’s just madness.”
. . .
They stand out like a sore thumb in every environment but snow, the helmets restrict view (“I can’t see a thing in this helmet!” — Luke Skywalker), and the armor is penetrable by single shots from blasters. Add it all up and you have to wonder why stormtroopers don’t just walk around naked, save for blinders and flip-flops.
The commentary by indignant Star Wars fans is funny too . . .
Brian Regan is hilarious; there’s some excellent comedy and a whole lot of truth in this bit.
Being an Apollo lunar mission geek, I especially loved the ending.
And all throughout, while I was laughing, I was also thinking of this:
For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think . . . – Romans 12:3a
. . . to share some trivia about me from The Mechanical Contrivium:
Ten Top Trivia Tips about Bill!
1. Ideally, Bill should be stored on his side at a temperature of 55 degrees.
2. Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover up Bill.
3. Antarctica is the only continent without Bill.
4. In Vermont, the ratio of cows to Bill is 10:1!
5. Bill was named after Bill the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’!
6. The Asteroid Belt between Mars and Jupiter is made entirely of Bill.
7. It’s bad luck for a flag to touch Bill.
8. The international dialling code for Bill is 672!
9. When provoked, Bill will swivel the tip of his abdomen and shoot a jet of boiling chemicals at his attacker!
10. The water in oceans is four times less salty than the water in Bill.
[HT, the Thinklings]
Did a bit more iMonk surfing . . . Not to get into the controversy that fuels this post (although I’m a teetotaler who agrees with what’s written there), this line completely cracked me up:
“Everyone is aware that this isn’t about the abuse of alcohol, and a fair number of the people getting red-faced over the issue show evidence that if the bar in question were a buffet, they’ve been frequenting it more than once a year.”